Smelling the Sea Air

I'm not sure exactly why, but I have in my mind the image of sailors preparing their vessel for a long voyage. Adequate preparation takes a bit of time, and all those trips up and down the gang-plank stir in one's self the desire to face the open sea, to be already departed. No, we have no boat to ready, and we will only face the open sea from about 60,000 feet up, but in many ways, all the conversations about leaving serve as those trips across the gang-plank. The time for leaving is almost upon us. The anticipation itself is somewhat unnerving. I find myself procrastinating in my packing in denial that I am leaving, and at the same time, I'm wishing I was already there. What a strange and real yet intangible space- oh liminality, will you ever let us be? (probably not.) Life is one big transition, I suppose. A passing from innocence to bliss, with much adventure in between. Perhaps all of these little transitions will prepare us, give us some "perspective," on the big transition that we all must face. One of my swimmers asked me what the hardest part of leaving the team, or switching teams, is. I told him, "Without a doubt, it's the people." We live and move in relationships that must now undergo a change. A new distance must be inserted where there was before only a day's wait. Communication becomes sparse, if at all, and all of our hopes and dreams are left to trust - and to faith. I think there is something different for me this time, however. Every time a kind friend says to me, "You're leaving; we're going to miss you," I have to first face the fact that I will miss them; but then I have to face the more awesome reality that as I turn from them I turn to a blank canvas- to a world not yet encountered. To dreams I cannot even begin to dream because I cannot even fathom the colors with which I have to paint. I must become in that goodbye a pure canvas ready to say hello to whatever creation my Lord designs. He holds the brush, and I must be ready to receive whatever He paints. This is fearsome and wonderful all at once. And sometimes it is as if the waiting, the preparations, leave me anxious to know the designs he has- anxious to begin. "Time...ah time...is the final surrender." And in our presence, we hope to be attentive to the work of the Master.

Focus on the Postive

Based on what I'm going to be doing, I've gotten a lot of questions from people about my faith. Today, I was asked if I was a Christian. As a Catholic, I consider myself Christian, so I responded that yes I was. However, the person I was speaking with apparently does not consider Catholics Christians and what came next was a rant about the faults of Catholics, and why his denomination was correct. He continued to praise his denomination and the amount of good works that they do. As a Filipino, he was also thrilled I was going to go serve in the Philippines. He had the best intentions, and was very happy that I apparently fell in with his beliefs. I didn't stop him in his rant. I didn't correct any of his overstatements about Catholics. Rather, I was brought back to my recent thoughts on the importance of perspective. I believe that GK's work is significantly more important than difference in religious beliefs. Its about focusing on the needs that everyone can legitimately, positively change - bringing about healing and wholeness instead of ill will and division. We can certainly, and probably easily, focus on the flaws and faults of lots of things around us - be it a different religion, different ethnicity, different income levels - the list goes on too far. But Life is not about what is easy. It is about what is right. For me, what is right, is doing the best that I can for everyone. This encompasses knowing my own strengths and weaknesses, and those of what I commit myself too. We cannot allow our idealism to blind us to our weaknesses. Without honesty on where our weakness lie, we cannot move forward. And as perfection can be found in God alone - everything can be improved. Rather than face our critics with defensive attitudes of self-righteousness, let us be humbled and truly search within ourselves for those areas that we can truly improve. Pray for me as I attempt this - Humility is not always one of my strong points. ;-) God Bless.

I see the Light!!

Many find it hard to understand how I could just quit my job and fund a 6 month mission to serving the poor (mind you I’m not exactly rich), leaving behind my comforts and “securities” I have in the States. But actually, it is exactly THAT which has given me more life! It is a high honor to serve the poor. I have realized my true value as a human and a child of God thru such an honor. We call the poor we are working with beneficiaries, but with all respect I have also become a beneficiary too. There is so much to learn and so many ways to grow thru these fortunate challenges in GK. Much peace, joy, and humility has and will continue to fill my soul. I hope to always be an instrument of inspiration thru the act of selflessness. One of the things that really hit my heart and humbled me was to experience the generosity of the poor Filipinos. Many times it is hard to share what we have because we constantly live with a consciousness that we lack money and materials. When serving the poor in GK, it was amazing to see how these Filipinos literally have close to nothing materially, and yet they would give what they have to you in appreciation. They may have only so many pesos but they will spend it all on a chicken, they don’t even buy that for their own family, but they will buy it and cook it for you out of gratitude. They don’t have not much, but will give much just because you are there for and with them. I’ve seen how our time and presence with the poor is more valuable than any dollar amount you could give. And I can’t help but think about the numerous times where I felt I couldn’t give, not just material things, but more importantly my time. And here are the poor who have nothing but are so willing to give so much. They are one of the greatest teachers of life I have ever come across. It is in the act of selflessness, giving, and humility that we truly find ourselves as humans and become valuable. And it is here we experience true abundance.

My humble insight for my fellow BC friends

Congratulations on your fight ticket purchases =) I'm so excited for you guys, I can't wait till you get here!! It’s going to be an amazing life changing experience! You will see yourself transform magically.... lol i like romanticizing things sometimes. But in all honesty, it's true. And it'll be nice to have the whole BC "1st batch" growing together!! yaaaay Joanne's coming sooner!!!! I'm so happy about that!! =) I will keep you all in my prayers. The first month is really about adjustment with stay, weather, and culture (well maybe not for Joanne hehe)... And you'll be traveling to a lot of GK sites and probably do a build. So it's really learning & absorbing the ways of GK. For me, the work projects have been very tentative, GK is a moving entity (haha). As you know, I'm into the second month now so my work projects are becoming more concrete, imagine a funnel... its like a funnel of ideas instead of water. did that make sense? So I'm really barely begining actual work assignments. The site visits and talks help spark ideas on how you can be of service to making GK continue being a more excellent org. and expand on a bigger level. And syempre (of course)... the central activity is building relationships everywhere you go!! So thats my advice of a month and a half in a nutshell to yall and anyone interested in the Builder's Corps. =) I think its better if much of your experience is raw and unexpected, so just be open minded, flexible, and most importantly, enjoy the ride! You will have a lot of support out here, and syempre me! =) (as you can see thats one of the few tagalog words I know lol) And you will also be in my prayers. I can't wait to see you all!!! =)) Love & God Bless!

A Bunny, A Squirrel and 2 Deer

While so many things seemed to almost miraculously fall into place for all the initial GK prep, now the details and the little stuff needing to be done before we leave seem to have accumulated quickly to a whole lot of work. It's been difficult to keep focused on the fact that all the little steps (moving out of my apartment, leaving work and saying goodbye to a lot of people who have impacted me incredibly, getting shots and a visa, making the plane ticket arrangements, seeing all the people I want to before I go, saying goodbye to dear family and friends etc etc etc) add up to the bigger picture of the wonderful work of Gawad Kalinga. So as much as I may occasionally freak out a bit by all the little stuff piling up, I continue to be blessed by even this process of preparing to go. I shouldn't be amazed that I'm blessed. I know I am, but how and when God reminds me astounds. Foremost in my mind right now are the people he has put in my life to be examples indirectly and directly. As direct as telling me to shut up and listen because I needed to take a minute and hear what I already knew but on which I wasn't acting . As indirectly as only sharing their own faith and journey because of their passion and not realizing that they are lighting the dark places of those around them. Some of my darker places have been lit recently and with good cause. I had lost a bit of perspective and even a bit of the passion as I got bogged down in the details of getting all these things done. I didn't see them as part of the journey, but as obstacles to overcome before the next part of my life. In wanting that, I took away the power of the present moment and all it has to offer me. Luckily, God brought me back to the present moment and the wonders of his work all around me - both right here in the now, and in what awaits me when that time has come. This morning on my way to work, I was brought out of my morning prayer by the sight of a bunny and a squirrel sitting in a way that just hit me. (for me bunnies have this "God is present" reminder attached to them for multiple reasons - so I really get excited over bunnies). I saw these two and thought, gee, all it needs now is a deer and it would be perfect - it would sum up wonderfully. (Yes, I work in the city, but I'm blessed enough to have about 20 deer on the property where I work). Then out of the corner of my my eye I see a fawn, with its mom only a few seconds behind. Since it was not very near the bunny, it reminded me of the importance of perspective. God is present, but not always how we want or where we want, because really, its not about what we want. Yet God, in his infinite love and graces has provided us with new opportunities each moment to renew ourselves in his presence, even if the moment before we turned a blind eye and instead of seeing him, only saw the deer, bunny and squirrel as a coincidence and not the reminder that God is everywhere always answering us. To keep the momentum going (it does take work on our part - not everything gets to be easy as all 4 of us getting the miraculous 5 days off without much notice), and in preparation for my GK presentation to my residents, I was reviewing ANCOPs website, our blog and Dianne's. Dianne's blog was fabulous - she had pictures of her first build and then amazing sharings too. It wasn't that I needed affirmation of my decision to join GKBC - I still feel God's calling me there - but it was the spark that reignited the flames of passion I had let flutter as I got caught up in tidying up loose ends here. I was caught completely unaware that something as simple as reading someone else's experiences would cause that passion to return. (honestly, that might also be a large inspiration to finally add something again to our own blog as well - besides Patrick's reminders ;-) ) Really, we never know what will be a light for someone else. Certainly we can all strive to be light to all people at all times, but honestly, we know we are not perfect. Though our light will flicker, we need to be open and aware to the many ways God calls us, refreshing, renewing and reigniting our passion and our vocation to follow his will for our life. My prayer for us all is that we are each able to recognize whatever form our bunnies take - to be reminded that we are never alone. That when God invites us into his abundant life and love, we respond, giving of ourselves freely however we are asked. God Bless

UPDATES...

STUFF

1. We finally bought our tickets!!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I guess this really means we're going!
2. Joanne was able to get her schedule moved up so that can start volunteering at the same time as the Chicago 4! That's great!
3. Heather and I got our VISAs - when we were down at the consulate, the staff noticed "Gawad Kalinga Volunteer" on my application and commented on the work that GK is doing, as well as being extremely helpful to us, and wishing us all the best with our service.
4. The weather in Chicago has been pretty hot and muggy - maybe this is God's way of getting us ready for what to expect!
5. All we need now is some shots and drugs and fun stuff like that... and we're out the door!

So, over the weekend someone commented to me that she reads the blog regularly for updates. I said, "Great! I wish more people would tell us that, or better yet, post a comment, so I don't feel like I'm talking to myself all the time ;-)

Keep those prayers coming... only about 6 weeks left until the first post from Manila!