Unspeakable Things

Well, I have to start with HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! I hope you've all been able to take the time to scope out the picture albums. There are quite a few, and many laughable moments captured in pixels. Scroll down and follow the links to visual memories galore!!!! And a special thanks has to go to the many people, especially tita Cecile and the Demano family who made our Thanksgiving possible, and to those of you in the States who contributed recipes, prayers, and e-mails that kept us missing home and grateful for our country the whole way through. As it has been said, we have much to be THANKFUL FOR!!!!!! Next, I have to apologize for my blatant absence from our posts for a while. You no doubt noticed the huge gap which occurred in the weeks leading up to and recovering from the annual GK expo the last weekend in October. Again, there are a few pics in the album, and much to share about this intense gathering of GK workers, volunteers, supporters and partners, and new GK home-owners. Although it will probably never appear here, this was an incredible, challenging, frustrating and grace-loaded learning experience for all of us. Now, for my life (and silence): It has been our precedent and desire to share on this blog the many wonderful things that happen to us and around us in the Philippines, in the GK communities, and in our day-to-day interactions. Aware of our readership and trying to focus on the positive side of challenges, we often find ourselves posting only the good or weird experiences on our adventure. We all know, however, that life is no picnic, and no scar is earned without its wound. That is probably a very harsh way to say that many of the things we have learned and experienced first-hand have not been "good" in the general sense. We find ourselves often surrounded by disorganization, miscommunication, double standards, misunderstandings and confused visions. The challenge for us as Americans continues to be to accept a style of work and personal relations that is not found in the U.S. However, I believe the challenge for us as Christians is to ask - and strive to answer honestly- what is truly "being Spirit-led," vs. what is just laziness; and where is reality between the Western way, the GK way, the "right" way, the better way, and the successful way? I think for myself I have finally been led by grace to a place where I am not sure that a "Western way" would actually work here in the Philippines (a strange and twisted statement considering the countless ways in which Filipinos strive to be Western). I can look around me and see Western models crumbling with failures constantly. At the same time, I cannot say that I believe this Filipino model would work well in the U.S. Frankly, I don't think it would. The template for development by GK I believe is universally adaptable, yes, but the work method, standards, and other functional normalties would never be successful in the U.S. Some examples of these differences: 1) Western minds are typically trained to think in linear progressions, moving from A thru B to arrive at C. The Filipino mind (and I am told many Asian minds) tend to think in circles, flowing freely between A and C and B without strict adherence to order. 2) The "GK Way" has been expressed in not so clear terms as putting something on the ground first, testing it to see if it works, and then coming up with a plan later. In short, very little "planning ahead" is ever done, and many unnecessary steps and much waste in the result. 3) Filipinos, perhaps influenced by centuries of landlessness, poverty, and living in survival mode, tend not to think beyond themselves, or beyond their immediate situation. This reality manifests itself in little things like buying soap only to do one load of laundry or buying cell phone load (usage) that is only good for one day. It also expresses itself in larger things like setting up office methods that only serve the current situation without planning for growth and expansion that is already happening, or tearing down all of the vegetation in a place in bringing in landfill to build houses without looking ahead to the immediate need for utilizing those same natural resources (low ground for water drainage, vegetation for shade, waste materials for fertilizer, etc.). Lastly, and probably most painfully, is the expression of this mindset in interpersonal interactions. This is the one I find most odd, and is probably the one that comes with the most excuses. I will allow that it probably comes from the fact that most people are used to fending for themselves. I am struck by the number of times I have been in a Jeepnee and people refuse to slide toward the driver to make it easier for others to get in, or when a person gets out, to slide over enough for everyone else squished on the bench to be a bit more comfortable. I have been cut in line countless times, I think because I wasn't standing with my chest pressed against the counter to indicate to the person behind me that I am next. I have been blatantly ignored even by the very people that I live with, and sometimes by the people that I work with. These realities are hard, often discouraging, and force me to question the depth and breadth of our Christian expression. I have worked in several ministries before and know well that the hardest part about working for any Christian organization is working with human beings- that's right folks who make mistakes and are imperfect. But I am surprised, sometimes shocked, and often hurt that this is the reality from a culture that prides itself on being so openly hospitable, truly joy-filled, and desiring to be generous. Yes, the people by whom we have been hosted are tremendous and their generosity towards us is endless and flowing. But as a culture, I find most people here, including myself and my American friends, becoming more selfish, self-centered, and blind to others than I ever experienced in the U.S. It is hard to write this because I know the number of people- people I consider friends- who will be hurt if they read this. But I also believe in the high value of honesty and openness in struggle. I have fallen in love with many Filipinos. I hope to shed light in this area so that they may strive to challenge each other to more embracing of all life around them. To see the connection between pollution and health, between education and respect, between environment and life, between love and freedom. The work of GK is often challenging, at times disappointing, and usually good. But in the ocean of "culture" in which we swim, it often feels as though a small stone has been dropped into rough and troublesome waters, and the ripples are dispersed by the next breaking wave. (as usually happens at these moments, God has just given us another blessing and I must attend to it. He has not abandoned us - I have never felt that way here. But I cannot being to understand the things he is teaching us here- humility is first among these). Thank you for your love and your prayers. Please keep them coming, and know that you are in ours. Happy Thanksgiving!